Life Lesson For My Little Men #9

So yesterday was a tough day for me.  The type of day that comes around once every now and again that you never want to experience but remain challenged to figure out how you prevent it from happening again.  This weekend was the beginning of our families' holiday fun.  Lots of visiting, eating and good times.  Now don't get me wrong, the Christmas season is incredible and enjoy all that it has to bring, including the easy excuse to get together with those you don't see all that often, however, on days like yesterday it reminds me that I, personally, may need to find a way to spread it out a bit more.  On the exterior, for many this is surprising, as I don't believe that I come across as shy and introverted, but in actuality it has always been my nature. 

Anxiety in social situations is something that I have battled with my entire life and something that has led me to my favourite hobbies (guitar playing, drawing, and playing sports.)  Team sports has often given me an opportunity to shine and been a platform for me to work on my issues in communication and confidence.  So last night, after too much incredible food, I found myself struggling to find a way to pull myself out of a dark place, a place I don't often go but a place that is familiar enough for me to know where I am when I get there.  At the time, nothing seemed to help, I was feeling tired, frustrated, sad and ashamed...how does one begin to deal with these emotions all at once.  I laid down beside my two boys for a nap(that's right, I ignored the books and experts and took them to bed for a nap, and guess what, we all made out ok), but they weren't really interested so we read.  After a while, my wife (returning from walking the dog) took the boys downstairs and gave me sometime to rest.  After several restless moments and arriving at the realization that what I was doing wasn't helping my current state I plodded downstairs to determine whether or not we would make the trek to play some volleyball.  We decided that we would go play and that hopefully a little fun and exercise may help.  It did, I felt great and playing really helped me lighten up, until I got back home.  Again, as I struggled through the night I couldn't shake the dark and confusing cloud that hovered over my head. 

6 am came way too soon.  I trudged downstairs to make breakfast, take the dog out, and eventually leave for work...Sometime during this two hour process I looked down at my boys who were lying on the couch while I sat comatose in front of the sports highlights and it happened.  A smile!!! not just one but two little almost perfect smiles.  Now please remember that at this point, our sons are about 15 weeks old, but only 7 weeks past their due date so smiles are happening but not all the time and usually related to gas and not anything that I am doing, so a moment with simultaneous smiling still has some sort of novelty.  But this time it was different and the reason why is because it really helped me shed the weight I had been carrying. 

So from this moment comes a new life lesson, taught to me by my two favourite boys.  Never forget the power of your smile.  Its impact should never be underestimated because your smile not only helps to bring you energy, makes you feel lighter and gives you the strength to take on all challenges but it has an amazing ability to do that to anyone you meet.  You, my boys, taught me this lesson, because sometimes, we grown up folk forget this and need a little reminder about why we are here.  So today, I am smiling thanks to you two, and I hope that my smile has the same effect on someone I meet.  Thank you :) Love Dad

Life Lesson for My Little Men #8

So I have decided to quit the reminiscing and move onto the present as living in the past means you often miss what's going on around you today.  Strangely enough, my cue to do this was in looking through some pictures while preparing for Christmas.  I came upstairs last night to find my wonderful wife tearing up in front of the computer screen as she previewed pictures to be used for Christmas presents.  On the screen was a picture of both of our boys in the first five minutes of their lives and it brought back a flood of emotions.  So there we sat, glued to the screen as pictures whizzed by and we drifted in and out of the present.  As we progressed through each stage of their lives a new set of feelings would bubble up, then we'd look at each other, look down at our sons and marvel at how far they have come. 

It has been an interesting road thus far, it has been about two months since we all finally came home from the hospital.  A day I will forever remember because it is an instantaneous wake up call.  We arrived home, tired but excited and for the first time alone with our babies.  Over the next 12 to 24 hours we went through what felt like hell on earth and by we I mean the four of us.  The boys were crying constantly, we were struggling to keep it together and I was doubting whether or not I was prepared for all of the sacrifices I would make and challenges I would come up against for the rest of my life.  The permanence of fatherhood was finally setting in and I will say that I felt a little confused by the whirlwind my mind was going through.  We reached out for help, our parents were great and for the first week or so we got a ton of help.  But quickly we grew weary and needed our own space and so we decided to head out on our own...which has worked really well.  Now we are the proud parents of two baby boys who are just starting to smile, really enjoying bath time and hopefully will begin to settle into a routine.  So oddly enough a quick glimpse at pictures has led me to change up this blog and begin writing about the not so distant past and what's in store for us all as we move forward. 

The life lesson I would like you to take my excitable little guys is that life happens so fast and we often spend our days thinking about everything but what is here and now, focusing on the past or the distant future and if we don't stop ourselves every now and then, to look at where we are and what we have, well then we are bound to let those moments slip right by us while only catching a glimpse of what they are and never truly experiencing what they could be.  It maybe a sad state of affairs that we have to remind ourselves to take time for each other and to live in the moment but unfortunately that is the reality that many of us face.  This makes it incredibly important that you enjoy those moments to the fullest as each day that passes is gone.  Keep your view on life open and broad so that you can see as much as possible.  There is a time when focus is needed to truly enjoy the beauty of what it is that we all have, but there is also a time when focusing on the wrong thing will mean that something on the periphery is blurred and hazy when it could be so much more.  How do you know when to focus and when to open up?  Like many things I will tell you, it is a matter of what your heart tells you is important...your job is not to confuse what your heart says with what all those other outside voices are telling you.  Live in the now, see the world for all that it is and could be.  Love, Dad.