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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Life Lesson for my Little Men #12

Wow, so time is flying by and our two little guys are already over 5 months old (3.5 months in terms of their corrected age, which if you have had a preemie or twins you know all about).  They are getting to be little tanks and will soon be stronger than their father was in grade 9 (when my gym teacher commented on my report card that I had below average upper body strength).  As I wrote in my last post, life has settled into a bit of a routine, although it frequently changes on a whim and with little warning, but that's ok...I am not really a planner, I can manage decisions on the fly (written while choking up a little bit).  It appears the key is to be laissez-faire about the whole thing...which in economics, is not really good but at this stage in the child rearing process is not only important but a survival mechanism.  Now what I am about to say may in some ways be shocking and please do believe me when I say that I am being absolutely sincere.  The last little while I have started to find the routine a bit more challenging.  I cannot take anything away from my wife, because she is more a captive than I, however, it would seem that the monotony of going to work, coming home as quickly as possible to help out has left me wanting more...Often, this phase passes quite quickly as I get a smile or the hint of a laugh from one of my sons, but in the end it pops up again.  I think this is because if you map out my days (leaving the weekends out) they all look strikingly similar.

5:45 am - wake up (although recently this has started at 5:00 am)
5:50 am - eat breakfast, make coffee, make lunch
6:30 am - Walk dog
7:15 am - shower get dressed for work, kiss wife, babies, pet dog and cat and get out the door by 8:00 am
8:30 ish - arrive at work
4:30 ish - leave work
5:15 pm (hopefully) - arrive at home
5:30 pm to 10:00 pm - make/eat dinner, help with feeding/diapering/playing/bathing, work out, watch a little TV

(Press repeat)

This is all to say that this past weekend we had the opportunity to go our separate ways for a bit.  On Saturday, my wife and the boys went to a cupcake making party for much of the day and I spent most of it working around the house (uninterrupted).  On Sunday, I played in my fist soccer game in 4 months...and then we played volleyball that night.  Getting away and doing something that I love made all the difference to my outlook.  None of this is to say that I don't love my family and want to spend every moment with them as my two sons grow and develop.  I think often as parents, we have to battle a certain level of guilt or even anxiousness that if we leave, they will miss us or even worse we may miss something.  I will say this though, that getting out a doing something so far removed from my life as a dad was really nice.  Mind you it was also nice to brag about my boys and how well my wife was doing...I mean, who wouldn't love an opportunity to do that, but in the end, it felt really good to be out with the guys.  It's not like I was ever really somebody who needed to be out and about.  For much of my life I have been a homebody, certainly independent (sometimes I feel like the lost family member), but never one who needed to be out visiting and such to truly be happy.  However, it seems that being thrust in to a very rigid existence makes the special glimpses of "freedom" that much more appealing.

So, I feel that a life lesson is important following this self absorbed post.  To my little, now possibly teething, young lads...it is important to remember to find balance in your life.  This maybe one of the greatest struggles of the modern human being.  With external pressures coming from all over the place it is often very challenging to find yourself in everything that you do, but I would argue that it is the most vital part of your life.  The key to striking balance is about priorities.  What I have discussed above is simply an example of how challenging this might be when it feels like 2/3 of your day is scheduled by someone else and the remainder is spent trying to recover.  I certainly don't begrudge my family their place in my priority list.  When you two arrived you became the priority...and will be for as long as I am alive.  However, it is still important to remember that in all of it, sometimes the best way to help others is to help yourself first.  When things happen that are beyond your control but which give you stress or challenge your life-balance, it is important to take stock in where you find your identity or happy place.  In some cases, this place might be helpful and so you will have to look to something else.  My happy place is at home with you and your mom, but when that isn't working I can turn to something else that I have loved for almost my entire life and that is sports...soccer being my main squeeze...to do this, it is important that you recognize what gives you balance, what makes you whole...what will bring you some vigour and longevity...Love, Dad

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Life Lesson for My Little Men #11

So it has taken me a while to get back to writing because my last post took a lot out of me and truthfully life has changed a lot and reflection had become a bit painful.  In fact, even as I write this, I am having a hard time concentrating on any one thing long enough to form a coherent thought. So bear with me!

Our boys are a little over 5 months old now and I would dare say we've established a bit of normalcy around the busyness.  We've both started playing sports again and have even ventured out for the occasional meal in a restaurant.  It helps that they are both really good at being in new places and traveling.  Recently, however, a few things have happened which throw things off and knock us out of whatever semblance of routine has been established.  First, we had our first change in regular diaper filling.  9 days of poop free diapers left us reading posts and books about how it is perfectly normal for breastfed babies to go two weeks without leaving a stinky present in their diapers.  While each of these pieces of information was helpful in calming some nerves, it was still a little unsettling for both of us.  Poop questions became a daily greeting to my wife as I walked through the door.  It became the topic of conversation with parents and friends.  The things is our boy seemed fine and comfortable (for the most part) and we were left to wait in anticipation of when things would return to normal and the impending ass-plosion, which it eventually did...filling four diapers and lasting the better part of 30 minutes off and on.

Recently, shifts in sleeping schedules have been the norm.  It is common for both of our sons to have an off-night once a week, which seems to throw things out of whack.  The thing with twins and breastfeeding and sleeping is that it is an even more complex balancing act then what you may see at a Cirque Du Soliel show.  First off is getting them to sleep, usually after a final feed they are ready to hit the hay, although every now and then one of them will decide he would rather be up and goof around and so you are left entertaining and playing the waiting game or trying to "top him up" to see if that will settle him into his food coma.  Then comes the first wake up, when they were younger this would mean waking them both up to maintain a sound schedule, however, as they get older and with the promise of a possible 5 hour stretch of sleep a whole slew of new questions pop up.  Often this works, however when it doesn't my wife has been up every hour and a half to feed one.  I am lucky in that she believes that my job is to get up and go to the office and somehow, after years of responding to an on call phone 24/7 for some reason baby cries don't wake me.  This change in routine tends to have a major impact on the next day and despite best efforts can lead to frustration and tired days.  Frustration that usually melts away with the first smile of the morning...and the joy of twins is that there are usually two.

A life lesson for my little men from our recent experiences is that routine is good but can never be counted on to remain in tact.  In all walks of life, the only true constant is change. What can drive you to success is not only your ability to adapt but to do so positively.  When working with people it is important to remember that life exists in shades of grey and that nothing is truly linear in terms of it's progression.  You guys are a perfect example of this.  Each day forward is a step forward but does not mean that the step is the same length as the day before.  You will experience this all the time in your life.  There will be days when you seem stuck or in some cases to be moving in reverse, but if you do your best and create a positive outcome whenever possible, the truth is you are always moving forward...and you have the next moment to look forward to, when things seem to fly ahead and you are leaping rather than stepping.