So it's been months, literally months since my last post...and while I am sure that folks have found something else to do (as I myself have been busy), I hope you can forgive my lack of writing. In the past two months, life has changed an an accelerated rate even by my standards. If you've read some of my earlier posts, you will already know that things tend to move in quite unexpected ways at a pace that is often dizzying. A quick snapshot, in the last 6 years, we have moved twice (once into our first home), gotten married, changed jobs 7 times (Me 5, Adrienne 2), went back to grad. school and had twins. This past winter, I started a new position at Ryerson University in Toronto. Not something entirely planned, as we had just bought a home near our current places of employment in the suburbs and I was quite happy in my previous role at York University. However, after a few months on the job here, I can safely say it was definitely the right move at the right time. I love the work, the people and the institution. What has been challenging is the new hour plus (always plus and sometimes really plus) commute on the train. For the first little bit, leaving the house at 7:00 and getting back around 6:30 was a bit challenging for me, given how spoiled I had been with the 20-30 minute commute to York. I would say that I let it define me...I worried about it...I brought it up in conversation...I felt like I wore around...then over the holiday break (a time of reflection), I made a decision...to move past it...and since that time, I feel things have truly changed for the better. At the same time, it also means that I haven't had a whole lot of time to catch up on writing.
The boys lives have changed tons since last I wrote. Both are walking...no...more like running, climbing, getting into mischief and laughing (and crying) the whole way. It is truly an amazing experience watching them grow and change...sometimes almost daily. Both have developed a keen sense of humour and are happy to push mom and dad's buttons. They have started trying to mimic the words that we say. Andrew has become a very adept lip reader and while he is limited in terms of his pronunciation, you can often make out what he is attempting to say. James on the other hand, doesn't delight in mimicry quite to the extent of his slightly older brother...but he can toss out a well timed "uh-oh" that will tug at your funny bone and heart all at the same time. Interestingly enough, there first words were not "Mom" or "Dad" but were "Uh-Oh", "Oh-Ya" and "Dirty" (or "Duur-Deeeee"). This is probably a more realistic occurrence than the romanticized and narcissistic notion that they would say one of our names first. Both of them still have their challenges sleeping, but I think that is somewhat hereditary. I am happy to admit that, as often it feels like saying so in public is equivalent to a public shaming. Truthfully, with twins, the idea of regimented sleep training is more overwhelming than the lack of (uninterrupted) sleep, so to each their own on that one...Last night, as an example, Adrienne was out playing soccer (from 9-11) which left Dad with the finishing touches on bedtime (meaning they should have been asleep but weren't). Andrew was out, but James (nursing a cold) while sleeping seemed to have engaged his six sense to notify him each time he was placed near his crib...so, despite needing to iron some shirts, clean up a few toys, watch another Leafs victory, and read a chapter or two for class this week I laid there, sleeping boys on my chest and let the world drift by. I'll admit, there were a few moments of frustration, but, I really felt like my sons needed me...and quickly any frustration melted into a relaxed and wonderful evening.
So, my little men, who have gone from being so skinny to so chubby to skinnier and oh so strong...what I think I have learned from the past few months is that the saying that change is constant is true, however, it leaves out the notion that change does not happen at a constant rate. I think, that's what can be so scary. Uncertainty is often a challenging thing to overcome, but even certainty at a pace which is in itself hard to predict can be equally frightening. Looking at you, I am learning a great deal about ability to adapt. Fear isn't necessarily part of your equation and so there is a certain benefit to what might described as your childish innocence in tackling the next step...which to those around you seems to be on an ever increasing trajectory. Naivety is often used in a negative context, perhaps short changing the notion that looking on things with fresh eyes and without preconceived worries and notions of outcomes, can lead one to take things on with a panoramic view of the possibilities. Thanks, and I promise to write more often.
Love,
Dad
