Life Lesson for My Little Men #32

I recently stumbled upon a newsletter article for parents of premies and their challenges through the first few months of their babies' (y's) lives. In reading the article, it makes some very good points and would be great reading if you find yourself in this place. Here's the link:

http://www.babyontheway.ca/toronto/articles_resources/603_premature_babies.htm

It also gave me an opportunity to reflect on some of those first few moments of James' and Andrew's lives and the impact that they have had on me and the relationships that I have. This blog was written on several commutes to work, so please excuse any choppiness.
 
Ian

About twenty months ago we were expectant parents who had been able to work through the trepidation and joy that accompanies the expectation of a first child only magnified by two. Were we prepared, heck no...and certainly we were not prepared for their arrival 8 weeks early, but through the entire hectic-ness that was the last moments of Adrienne's pregnancy and the first moments of James' and Andrew's lives we were able to avoid panic. That's not to say that during this time there weren't moments where fear and worry seemed crippling. Despite the bests efforts of nurses, doctors, specialists, social workers, and the wonderful woman that coordinates the parent outreach at the NICU, there were many moments where you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. As I have mentioned in previous posts, resiliency in times of change is a challenge that both Adrienne and I are quite used to, however, when the stakes are so high, as they are when the lives of your two babies seem to hang on a thread, or better put an oxygen tube, even our typical resolve was stretched. I am very grateful for the support of those around us during this time, but mostly to my partner. Boys, if ever ask how you know you've found the "right" one, I think my answer is simple. You'll know when you've found the person that will ride provide you with balance while sharing in your each and every emotion.

Looking back at the last 20 months, I think it is safe to say that parenthood is certainly one of the, if not the most profound experiences of a person's life. I think the phrase "defining moment" can often be overused...however, when something changes how you define your own identity then I can see how it applies. I have learned new meanings for many of the things that I would often consider to be run of the mill emotions and behaviour. Laughter, joy, smiles, hugs, kisses, and happiness have all changed in my view. At the same time, so have fear, worry, sadness, stress and persistence. My understanding of love, beyond everything else, will forever be altered. This is a risky proposition but I would say that at no other point in my life have I experienced the connection that I do to my family. Before James and Andrew's arrival and the past 20 months I would have thought that I had a pretty complete understanding of what it means to feel love and connection. Now, I can see that regardless of how strong my connection was with Adrienne, it could never have felt as complete as it does today. It's a lot like looking at the world through a tinted window, you can see everything and appreciate it, however, when you remove the tint and experience all of the colour in its true vibrancy you gain a true understanding of the beauty of it all.
 
So my sunshine loving and happy little men, I guess the lesson I have learned is this: often times we think we can see the whole picture and have a true understanding of the utmost limits of emotion but as new experiences impact us, we are even more often exposed to a life beyond the veil of our current understanding. If it wasn't for the new experience of being a dad, I would still know love, I would still be happy, but I may never have understood love the way that I do now. That new understanding has helped me appreciate all that I have, find joy in the little things and recognize the beauty in what we all share. I could have never anticipated the impact that your lives would have on mine, or on the way that I can now look at my life before you were here and reflect on those experiences with a new lens, seeing the beauty of the love that I have been given and have in turn shared. Thank you for that,


Love,


Dad


PS - while being nude is the natural state of being, social conventions would suggest that there is a time and place to do it. Please keep in mind that the streaking you are currently enjoying each night at bath time is something that the rest of the world would probably not enjoy and you will maybe grow out of...but given the experience of many university students...perhaps not.

Life Lesson For My Little Men #31

For March Break this year, we had the good fortune of travelling to Florida with my family.  It was our first extended time away since James and Andrew had been born and so it was met with excitement and a bit of trepidation as we took on learning the finer art of planning a trip and traveling with them.  First off, I can't take a whole lot of credit for the planning piece.  Being immersed in the tail end of my course and at work full time, I wasn't the most helpful when it came to the final stages of preparation.  Before I go further, let me add that included in family are my mom, dad and sister.  The plan was for my mom and dad to drive down and for my sister to accompany us on a plane and meet them there.  That's not really a part of this story as the plans on that end worked out almost perfectly.  What is a part of this story are some of the learnings of first time travellers with twins.

Lesson 1 - When you book your ticket understand that your airline will not necessarily take into account the geographic location of extra oxygen masks for your little ones.  While this isn't an issue for folks with only one toddler but for those of us who are lucky to be blessed with two or more the tip is that there is only one extra oxygen mask per group of seats.  So, if you want to sit together, you need to choose two aisle seats beside each other.  For us, we got to play a magical game of musical seats and organization as we looked for a row without another baby in it.  In the student affairs world, this is what we call an ice breaker.

Lesson 2: Checking bags, customs and security with little ones...equals Yikes!  It was mostly related to our date of travel, but we happily arrived at the airport 3 hours before our flight and made it through with an hour and a bit to board the plane.  No major melt downs, thank goodness...but all in all not really the most pleasant experience for us all.  Unless you count the moment when a bag full of those little green round mints erupted into a line-up of people waiting to check in...I am not sure Adrienne will agree with the assessment that this was fun...but it gave us all a nice chuckle.  With that sorted we began our journey.  Currently, we have two amazing flyers.  I say currently, because the next time...who knows?!?! For now, I can happily say that on the way down they slept for the better part of the journey and there were absolutely no tears.   

Lesson 3: Travelling with Twins is not relaxing...probably not a surprise to many of you, but I can't remember a holiday where I spent more time "doing" stuff.  Adrienne and I are very active people and so we have always been on the go even while on holiday, but this hit a new level.  We were constantly heading to the pool, to the tennis court, to the beach, and this was inclusive of the couple of hours we left the boys with Oma, Opa and Auntie Meghan.  All in all it was a week-long adventure in time management.  Now before this sounds like complaining, recognize that it is definitely not.  While there was little rest on this trip, there was tons of reward.  The first time James and Andrew touched sand, the first time they saw a palm tree, their first trip in a plane, etc.  One amazing moment after the next. So, the saying R&R does not necessarily stand for Rest and Relaxation but could easily be Reward and Relaxation

Lesson 4: If you are traveling to the a touristy destination, like Florida, check into renting equipment before you go.  We rented high chairs, toys and beach toys from a company that rents everything from bikes to bed rails.  An amazing way to cut down what you bring and what you have to pack/unpack/find/pack/unpack.

So, while this list is not exhaustive and I welcome others to contribute more to it, I will end the lessons for others and add one for my little men.  What I have learned is that often, when we just relax and let things happen, we get what we need.  What I mean by this is that, going into this trip I was busy...crazy busy...and I thought I needed some time to rest and unwind.  The night before we left, I actually said to your mom that I didn't know how much I was looking forward to it, given that I would come back feeling worse and more rushed than when we left.  What happened on the trip was by no means restful but so rewarding that I got what I needed.  Walking away from this adventure having spent an entire week playing, giggling, laughing and smiling put me in a place to return to regular life feeling not only physically and mentally healthier but better as a person.  Being able to share that experience with you, your mom, Oma, Opa and Aunt Meghan, certainly was something that couldn't be replaced by anything in the world.  It is amazing how things can come together at just the right time, to give you just what you need, even when you are expecting the opposite.  And though I won't pretend that there wasn't a lot of hard work that went into the trip (your Mom is a pretty fantastic packer), we as a family are certainly feeling the benefits even a month later. 

Lots of Love,

Dad

PS - The cat's litter scoop is not a shovel, and what is in it is not sand...that is all.