Life Lesson For My Little Men #47

And so we have entered the "Why?" phase.  It's not like it was an abrupt entrance.  We had been slowly plodding along a track of curiosity for sometime.  What makes this phase distinct is the persistence of the questions, predominantly why.  

In our house, movie watching is reserved for weekends.  Usually Friday and Saturday nights we curl up for a bit and watch half a movie, leaving the other half for later. Over the holidays, the boys were fortunate to receive a few new movies and so began the questions..."Who is that?" "What is he doing?" "Why isn't he being nice?" "What is her name?"  The incessant chatter caused Adrienne and I to stay up and watch the rest of the movies, not so we'd have the answers but so that we could actually enjoy and understand what was going on.  From that we have shifted squarely into a time where questions rule the day...and that is a good thing...it caused me to wonder when we grow out of this?!? When do we become more concerned with knowing the answer vs. knowing the question?  When do we lose the innocent curiosity? What causes us to hold back when we don't fully understand something?

As adults we are often so consumed with moving forward that we forget how important it is to see what is around us.  In this case, seeing is being truly aware and if unsure seeking clarity.  We put ourselves in a space where taking the next step supersedes full comprehension and so we often take that step without truly knowing where we have been and where we will be going. 

Perhaps it is because of fear of judgment, not wanting to appear ignorant or less knowledgeable that we put our questions aside...preferring to nod and make a mental note to Google that thing to try and understand later. 

But what are the consequences?!? In some cases, it would seem that we would be making decisions without fully understanding the context or impact of those decisions.  Scary stuff right?!? but certainly not without a plentiful number of examples woven through out our history.  Even worse in my book is the potential impact on our relationships.  A lack of open curiosity enables us to drift through our days only half knowing the people around us, making assumptions about their experiences and dulling the emotions that bring us as humans together.  No wonder there is a lack of empathy in the world.

So my little men, I want to thank you for opening me up to the wonders of "Why?".  It is important that you hang onto that spirit for as long as you can and encourage it in others.  Asking questions unabashedly will help you feel with the vibrancy and clarity that you and this world deserves.  Ask questions, push beyond assumptions, and challenge your own need to be perceived as "knowing".  Most importantly be present, interested and curious in the experiences an feelings of those around you...let that help you create what you "know".

And I will do my best not to be impatient, to ask my own questions, and encourage you along the way.

Love Dad

PS - I appreciate that you enjoy a wide variety of toys as sleeping partners...however, when you scream bloody murder in the middle of the night because you have dropped one under the bed...my appreciation wanes quickly.

Life Lesson for my Little Men # 46

Today, I had my first experience dropping James and Andrew off at the Jelly Bean Club, which is a 2 hour program they attend once a week at the local community centre.  Adrienne explained everything to me before I left and I was well versed in the challenges of the drop off. There would likely be some tears, some red eyes and the emergence of the dreaded lower lip.  I was also fully aware that both James and Andrew enjoyed being at the Jelly Bean Club.  They love playing with new toys, doing crafts and are slowly becoming enthused by singing and dancing.  I psyched myself up and we marched out the door and off to hang out with the other "Jelly Beaners".  The game plan was quite simple, get in...get out, tear off the band-aid and show no mercy. Easier said than done.  As we entered the main doors I got caught up in the crowd and in an effort to make good on the logistical needs (paperwork, etc.) I lingered a little and in doing so we got separated...well kind of.  When I turned around I saw Andrew racing past me and through the doors and into the classroom but where was James...standing just down the hall, shoulders heaving, eyes just starting to water and lower lip not only jutting out like a shelf but quivering as if it were a shelf hung by his old man before he learned the true value of a stud finder.

I made my move.  I walked over, took him by the mitted hand and we walked to the door, he telling me how much he didn't want me to leave and me insisting he would have fun.  He seemed unconvinced but as we got to the door an awesome thing happened.  Andrew, already fully changed out of his coat, hat, and mittens was waiting for James and as we opened the door greeted him with an enthusiastic "James, let's go play with the dinosaurs."  And that was that, off James went.  When I came to pick them up, everything of course was fine and we had some fantastic paper bag snowman puppets to show for it.  This isn't the first time that either James or Andrew has encouraged the other when they are upset or scared.  There have been multiple really cute moments where a word of encouragement or a quick hug has been the helping hand the other has needed.  It certainly made me reflect on something I had chatted about with a colleague not to long ago.  One of the challenges of raising twins is that they experience everything together...rarely is there a moment where there is an older sibling to model or say "it'll be okay."  Today, however, I was reminded of the value of peer encouragement.

So my little but growing men...or as you would say, my big boys, today I was reminded of just how important it is to have others around to push, empower and encourage you to take on something you may otherwise be fearful of.  Sure it is great to have somebody who has been there before to show you the ropes, but possibly just as important is receiving that assurance from someone who is going through it with you, especially when that encouragement comes so sincerely and earnestly.  You have both already shown an incredible capacity to be that person for each other and I hope that as you grow you will continue to support and push empower one another but also your fellow classmates, friends, and peers.

Love, Dad